Lo que esta pasando en el Reino de Fraijanes

Amar a el es taaan dificil...

2006-10-18T22:09:00.000-07:00

Pues es dificil amarle pues el miedo indefinido que se cargan en mis venas y tantas otras medias pesadillas, me gustria un dia venir y decir TE AMO¡ y sacarle todo por el pecho me gustria ser de el y no tener miedo a perder o ganar sin miedo a saber de que se puede esfumar, cosa que con Jay siempre hubo ese miedo infeliz me gustria amarle con todo el amor del mundo y abiertamente, pero tengo que callar y ser mas cautelosa, ignoremos que es pesado, y que me gustria amarle todos los dias.

Caya

How to put a Nice pic together

2006-07-11T20:37:00.000-07:00

Jus Use some sense and use the blue filter in photo shop and then check the gray scale and it will help...
Later...
Caya

2006 Is here and.....

2006-02-16T11:08:00.000-08:00

Well is here and its here to stay, I want you to kno that there things that I do need to get out of my chest, this Valentine´s day emptiness, and I did Review my Love life strory and its awfull, cause as many others I have big flaws and big awfull mistakes, in a few words, Im an Imbecill try to decifrate this Love mess puzzle, an ordinary broad trying to put toghether the a succes on this mater to her self assureness that Love is not that hard, but I got to the conclusion that as math this is another subject I´m not goint to reussir ot to get it in a flash, I have mental habilities for other things nor this one....
The history is clear, at this path in life I better concentrate on my matters that really promise and forguet about all that love onece I gave and never was answerd back, or if I did mean it I took it back because someone decided that love is my man was for her and she rather kill and I lost... The love of my life I lost it, and the other one decided that I was too much for him, and just let me go, I still dream of me and him having oral sex and chatting... just as that and then the other one that really does has some how a merit to mention is the one to inspired me to be free and I didi love until I cried and God and The Devil took it away.... Some day a note in some paper will tell his story.
But If you ask me about the others I will say they are just not worth even say that they are men at all they hurt me and used me they are not real men.

I have a silly idea....

2005-10-31T20:09:00.000-08:00

I guess is silly but, is not that silly, have you ever shared time with some loving people, that have open their hearts to you with no condittion what so ever... and they had really helped out.. and because they were related to a bf/gf you loosed touch with them... something like this happened to me... but as the years go further I realized that this guy was home to me... he was the guy... and because of my fear to be near I screwed up... fibbing, telling stories and had a mess of a life... dont take me wrong I was just twenty two when it happened and he tryed to change me and he was a sweet boy, with every early twenties man kind of problems... well he is the guy... he was my man... The crazy idea is I want to find him... and get to see wats up... something silly... but deep down beyond I have never stop loving this monkey... even if he is far away... and houdle of days have passed away... I still love him.. yes I love some other men... I loved Chang, Guille and also the sorry Marcos... too a miktake.. I was neat.. I had a great guy and I screwed up... mea culpa... my foult... but I had two minutes to interact with him and in a creative way tell him how important is he to me, my life and everything I could get from them, I so thankfull they are incredible people and they are great with their neighboors and others, they are really good christians and they dont even care were you are from they just help...
See I want to see whats up with this loving family and their loving mom Barbara, mom to me, a real crusader in the battle to teach me better... 35% of the woman I am I owe to her.. and still love to see how she is doing.. See people are not eternal flowers, and they died, thats why I have the need to see them onece more so If I ever go I would go happy, Saw the Farringtons once more... maybe they are ok... and maybe they are great... but I still love the man as the day he asked me to marry him in front of Cypress Gardens, half drunk and half happy, and I keep that memory so with me those were the happiest days in Fla, for me... and will keep them here in my heart for ever... So if you know some one named Jay Farrington from Greer SC you can tell to cal me at 502 5900 2565 and tell him it would be great to hear from him...
Cheers for Jay and family
Happy Ranadahm!!!!

See him

2005-09-28T14:07:00.000-07:00

How I will ever forguet him...
Well is hard because the fist time I ever layed
eyes on those eyes I knew he was going to be a instant
click... fall completely in love with the man of the wide smile and angel eyes...
On My account I satarted to built a kingdom for him... he was a mistery
a straight shoot of tequila to my soul..
Happinnes started to roam all over my soul...
I experimmeted love at first sight...
I was ready to give my soul to him, give the best of me...
And I was building... building a sky of butterflyes... building a nest for us so my fingers will walk over the beach of his back... I wanted to scketch with my sight his body and taste every corner of his north,
I was going to navegate through his passion and make his passion mine... and I started to sell the bear´s skin before I ever catched my prey... I was ready to hunt an angel and make it mine in the mist of the night... I was ready to grab his moon face and enjoy the sight...
But Fate is not a question of opportunnities.. This time I screwed up... I was the girl behind the man... and my prey just slipped out of my hands, casttles came crumbling off my dreams, jellousy stabbed my heart and then once again... lonely... very loney betraying me... cause could´nt have patience, I decide to rape in stead of seducting, used force in stead of pattience, and I crippled all love that he ever felt... as a rabbit he hides.. and he flyes away from my sight ... I m sad but will thrive... My love will be no loss at all because truly I did loved him and I did care and love will neve be a waste of time.... I did loved you Chang... With all my heart... beyond time...

Pragmatismo

2005-09-19T07:25:00.000-07:00

El pragmatismo, de llegar a ser perfecto me quita la razon de ser humanamente humano, lamentablemente he llegado a decidir que la media entre uno y otro es la resultado a ser normal, y entra la normalidad viene la monotonía, cosa que vuelve al principio de esta quemada de neuronas... como pude ser que seamos simplemente jueces de todos sin aceptarnos unos a otros a ser como esas joyas unicas, a ser tan unicos que llegamos a ser preciosos, no llegamos a tener la cualidad de ser tan inigualablemente hermosos, no fisicamente, puesto al rato esto se cae y ya no es bello, pero por dentro, la belleza interior es tan intereseante, es unica... es simplemente saber descubrirla de parte de el receptor y cultivarla y darla de parte del emisor.... Este pragmatismo, es el de ser frio y calculador en cuanto a tomar desiciones, tomar caminos, amar, y sentir, mata toda necesidad de ser impulsivo... si yo matase mi impulsividad... mataria mi esencia que me distingue... mataria mi gana de vibrar con la vida... seria ponerme de chocolate la sangre y no sentir...
calcular cada movimiento seria quitarle lo humano a mi persona... seria matar la estrella que llevo dentro, mi ángel, saben y no quiero dejar de ser yo porque yo y yo estamos demasiado bien, nos comprendemos y toleramos, somos los mejores amigos y eso como si fuera anuncio de visa no tiene precio....

Es el amor...

2005-09-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

El es el amor??? no creo se paso el tiempo y el mismo tiempo lo mato,
el verdadero amor es como el de los que te corresponden te agarran
y no te sueltan y te hacen estremecer... ese es el mejor de los amores
el que te da un beso y te eleva al quinto cielo, el que te da algo
y te quita el respiro... ese es el amor lo demas es pura babucha....
El es bello pero como la tortilla sin nada, el no sabe a nada...
Imaginarme que me penetra y hacerme la idea de que me hace temblar
me dice que seria una desgracia anunciada, voluntariarme a hacerle
el daño de amar es increible, lo que hace es la experiencia de la inexperinecia
como abrir una gaveta sin dinero...
Yo lo quiero desgarrar liberarlo de ese problema, ya es suficiente esa onda
de señorita presumida... no le va, como hombre lo agarrraria, tomaria su
hombria y la haria mia, la haria tan fuertemente mia, tan imposible que
no se arrepenteria... seria algo que en el silencio de su muerte estaria
guardando como el unico recuerdo que surgiria convitiendose en deseo de
nunca, nunca convertirse en tierra, lo mas preciado, lo mas humano, el
dia en que su liquido chocolatoso se convirtio en sangre, el dia que vibró, el
dia que lo ahogue de amor...

Drownin in an empty heart...

2005-09-12T22:19:00.000-07:00

k every man in this planet has the right to stab me on the back...
I offer my hands and my love, just to be satabed, betrayed, killed,
I swear for what ever time in life I have that love is not an issue here
no more... I ll have safe Gaysha friends, they are less betrayers more
peers, listeners, less hurters more healers, but that so called man issue is over... Im hurting and I want out... rather run than be chased by these
things... all the things that are hunting me, I would have given the best of me the best of me and the best of my life, my attitude is not changing
and my life goes on her new regular schedule, work and work and work and some time with princess and then school a 110% for the best... and be the better than ever.... Its time to wear the tough I dont care if you care be a bitch kind of shirt... ok... Forguet about the dream and the hope of love nahhh... thats for people that dont have nothing to do, I have a world to be discover, I have a graphic history to be mind and Im willing to pay the tab now! less men on the list or even better none, dispare, absolutley not, realistic, have a life to manage, a buisness to make the biggest, and a child that has to be raised and be loved, what else I want from life? I want material stuff, all the sublime and well manered and educated, I will keep it for me!! not to be shared with no one... so there this love issue is an issue that youll read for weeks tired no, its an issue and you now I have to ramble on things until they are tired and over, so I have to take all the nasty stuff from my chest... any way wiht this problem on the mad house, creativity is on the lowest and death sentences are at the top.... lonelyness is a favorite plan, love to be alone, and to spend it so bad with me... no one oppinionatting and no one saying what should be done, o.k. But to protest is to my temper to the test... enough of that... Ill let to die... I want to go home so bad... and canýt maybe this getting smashed is the healer, and going to Antigua to the house is the solution... so we are better... next week Ill hit Pana and maybe on saturday Ill grab a plane go to Mia and visit real people.... friends to hang out with... and the new bike is waiting for us... she is a beauty... a specialized.... and going to get my PADI lisence and go to Utila for new year... have to see but I will tell ya... soon... And on november we are going to a Rave in El Salvador and we are going to be so happy being as usual bad... no strings just to kill and leave the pices... hhahaha... ok much better left all the nasty things are left here in this corner of the world scince Greg you are such a Damm New Yorker have no time for me! I have and have to live my crap some where and since the redemption of heaven Im not oppening my mouth for nothing.... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I want to shout and be mad and yell and then become sweetie again hahah!
Later
Moi!

So how to over come the lonley situation....

2005-09-11T21:14:00.000-07:00

Yes... Im feeling much better and I m back
Im back cause feeling sorry for my self wont make me
pretiter or smater
Oh how much I wish to stop kissing frogs and toads and
find ya! insted of looking for a place to live my dreams and
my hopes in a blog....
But I guess thats why we have a Blog to get all our feelings and
hurts some where and go on...
I wish I could write the one thant we cant say their name and tell him how much
we wished to be around
and how devastating was to find that he is not so a real man

That I want to find a man with experience and a man with
a real head and no fairy tales and things that I want to get
a real lover and not a lover to be...
How come when I called I that is when I notice that I had
a loss, not his but mine he didnt even asked how are you feling or else
so there I feel great...
And to my real love is he rumming around somewhere I dream of
him somewhere in the middle of the night... being rude as a man...

Is true a vennom, is being straigh a sin..

2005-09-06T13:42:00.000-07:00

I just said the true, and just, hell can fall over him, this my brother, a sinner, a lier, a compulsive
lier and a thieve, a thieve of time a thieve in of hearts, how does he does it I dont know, i need a friend
a hand, I want a hug a big hug, a need some one to love, to care, I want to be indeed loved, because I just
killed t he love for the last person that could love me... My Brother, you see this kid was my friend My dearest love, my
first love, the little kid i use to play with... Sisters are just betrayers of other kind.... Im lonely, Im craying, and
I want to get all this out of my chest! If being honest is a sin let it be! If going to fix a crooked situation
let it go....
Im going to be strong and live with out him for ever...
Im truly conviced that i dont want to be part of it... You know, he can go on with his scams, I dont
I want to live a free life, I need ya so bad.... and you are so far and so away.... were ever you are
if you ever read this, I tell ya today is one of the sadest days in my life, my honor is at stake, and
honor is the only thing a himan being has for the rest of his days, no money, no fame, no power
can crook oneselfs name. his honor, rather be killed that to lie.... rather be blinded to say something is
not.... People say what ever..... because they want to take ones pride and bend it, no It wont happen
Ill thrive, and Ill survive, Just is that my heart is hurting so bad... and I need a friend to tell, and to let
him/her know whats on.... Im not being part of a sex scam, or a bigammy situation, I belive in love.
but the kind a person can have for another person, and I belive in faithfullness, I belive that If I ever find the
man to marry me, for my part, Ill be his, not any ones, and for my part trueness is a seal of quality of my side,
on this side of the pair, communication has to be done, and that is what I belive on,,, and I will belive on till the
day I die.....
I wont swear... but I promise that I will keep a space so big as an open sea... so big that he will even miss
the love of me, no brothers, no siblings, just me, by myself, who will say that at the end of this round I would be
the kid to be next to ma and pa....
Claudia

Things that are not Fair....

2005-09-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

Ok God our truce is over....
How come so many little kids are dying in the middle of a
land that honored Baco and some of us had a great
experience showing what we got!
How come it makes me angry not to be powerfull enough to
take all the forces of my kingdom and make an effort to rescue
this people and take them in...
At least we can see that Mother Earth is getting even!
Sounds evil but its charging up all the nasty things that
we have done to her and to her creatures, finally she is
controlling our dramatic over population.... our lifes are at stake
all the time, even if you just walk out to the store...
Sincerly, we should make a halt to think and reflect that even
our kingdom is hell. now to others looks as paridise, their
place turned into their own grave....

Its not fair God, put always your math is not our math... and
you know how this will affect us..
Claudia

Las Cosa que no puedo Cambiar.....

2005-09-04T15:37:00.000-07:00

Como reina de mi reino no puedo cambiar muchas cosas, una de ellas
es la necesiadad de amar a alguien y ver y saber a ciencia cierta que
este alguien no es para mi... Lo amo de tal manrera tan infalible como
la primera vez que puse ojos en el y que tiene la sonrisa más linda del
mundo, como tiene varias facetas, a veces un Peter Pan a veces, campanita
y es cuando mas me desespera, lo amo por ser el, por que entre las
fuerzas que el esparce por el mundo no son la fuerza bruta o del
puño en si, si la fuerza de la inteligencia, muchas veces pongo esto en
tela de duda, como es que alguien tan talentoso nunca enterró el pico
con alguien, es virgen, dice Hessh, yo le hago el fabrón cavor de ponerlo al
día, y por eso coincido tanto con Nitche, los preceptos morales, limitan
al animal que tenemos adentro... a el le cortó las alas de probar
lo bueno y lo malo, de tener en sus manos un caliz y degustar de el,
el sabor de ser dominador y no dominado, de tener una falación
y como un guerrero puyar a alguién, virgen tarde, ni el mismo Papa...
ni el Balaguer de Porra, ni nuestra Magdalena del Alma... Yo como
voluntaria de causas justa haría de esta mía, yo lo haría hombre. o lo
ayudaría a ser de la banderea del arcoiris. No puedo cambiar el hecho
de que nunca lo llegaré a saber, pues es más fácil conseguir que un
gato hable de si mismo que el principe del hielo sea abierto y escupa
las cosas que tiene en mente.... Si ama alguién debería de decirlo, rodearse
de angeles, es como ponerse un ejercito de fuerzas nobles para tapar
los miedos de ser HOMBRE, bueno es por eso que con todo y mis poderes
no puedo cambiar, esa fuerza, esa frialdad, esa coraza de desconfianza,
le he enseñado hasta de donde vengo y quienes son mis subditos, aun así
tiene la fuerza para dejarse enmascarar por el gusto de no ser mas que un
libro incomprensible, pero como un reto, como una osadía rompería esa fortaleza
y sacaría al animal que lleva por dentro.... Su padre, con su fuerza se
comunicá conmigo, dice que necesita que sea hombre, le preocupa
que es la fortaleza de la casa, que le preocupa por que no es mas que un
ente provedor y no ha vivido, se ha dedicado a ser introvertido
ha ser la fuerza de su familia, la segunda de Xiang, esta desesperado
de que lo vea sucunbir en la homosexualidad, piensa que despues de su
muerte, este bello hijo se dejó encerrar en dolor, abuso y otras cosas,
y que sufre en silencio, no parte con nadie la nesicidad de ser socilamente
compartido con las demas personas...
Xiang dice que no podemos cambialo, pero me pide que si le sigue saliendo
el ahorcado o el diablo en su lectura diaria, se de cuenta que su vida esta
perdiencose... y los ultimos mensajes han sido de la mano de Pops, pidiendo
ayuda... que lo salve, que si siento su fuerza se la transmita, que lo aleje
de la casa, que vea muchas formas de hacerlo crecer, este favor es pedido
por Pops, ha Pops no se le niega nada..... el tendra sus razones que no
quiere revelar aun. Sera bueno o mala no se pero tengo la impresion que
el sabe quien soy yo y que todo lo que hago tanto metafisica como fisicamente
es autentico..... Sabremos en un futuro la razon de este actuar tan raro de
un hombre extraordinario y su amigo oriental que pena por que en la vida de su
hijo que no tenemos ni idea de su razon de ser así como es-...
Later

Claudia

Pics are just pics....

2005-09-01T22:34:00.000-07:00

I usually dont have much of a model attitude concerning pictures.. why first of all
cause the beer belly I always carry and the bad perception I have about my face...
But lately at this age on time at the end of the game, as they say I like my pics...
and this shoul be like that, younger is not a free thing, even I dont look my age
I have a great pair of pics thanks to Arnulfo and Julio, who kindly took the time
to get me on page.... so there we have something to be proud of... later
Claudia
Do you people have a bad perception of you? do you have bad experiences within the
picture department. let me know I will glad to discuss ths with ya....

By the way Wistom - Salem is a great picture scene postcard and is adorabe---

La Mala Racha - The bad chance Peeriod....

2005-09-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

See this is a bad chance period cause he said everything is ok?????
And its not he has to some expelanaitions to do as well and explain why in the world he
is so damm good and preventing situatiions... can you belve it well I cant...
Patience deear saids my inner self... But patience is not my friend....