Amar a el es taaan dificil...

Pues es dificil amarle pues el miedo indefinido que se cargan en mis venas y tantas otras medias pesadillas, me gustria un dia venir y decir TE AMO¡ y sacarle todo por el pecho me gustria ser de el y no tener miedo a perder o ganar sin miedo a saber de que se puede esfumar, cosa que con Jay siempre hubo ese miedo infeliz me gustria amarle con todo el amor del mundo y abiertamente, pero tengo que callar y ser mas cautelosa, ignoremos que es pesado, y que me gustria amarle todos los dias.

Caya

How to put a Nice pic together

Jus Use some sense and use the blue filter in photo shop and then check the gray scale and it will help...
Later...
Caya

2006 Is here and.....

Well is here and its here to stay, I want you to kno that there things that I do need to get out of my chest, this Valentine´s day emptiness, and I did Review my Love life strory and its awfull, cause as many others I have big flaws and big awfull mistakes, in a few words, Im an Imbecill try to decifrate this Love mess puzzle, an ordinary broad trying to put toghether the a succes on this mater to her self assureness that Love is not that hard, but I got to the conclusion that as math this is another subject I´m not goint to reussir ot to get it in a flash, I have mental habilities for other things nor this one....
The history is clear, at this path in life I better concentrate on my matters that really promise and forguet about all that love onece I gave and never was answerd back, or if I did mean it I took it back because someone decided that love is my man was for her and she rather kill and I lost... The love of my life I lost it, and the other one decided that I was too much for him, and just let me go, I still dream of me and him having oral sex and chatting... just as that and then the other one that really does has some how a merit to mention is the one to inspired me to be free and I didi love until I cried and God and The Devil took it away.... Some day a note in some paper will tell his story.
But If you ask me about the others I will say they are just not worth even say that they are men at all they hurt me and used me they are not real men.

I have a silly idea....

I guess is silly but, is not that silly, have you ever shared time with some loving people, that have open their hearts to you with no condittion what so ever... and they had really helped out.. and because they were related to a bf/gf you loosed touch with them... something like this happened to me... but as the years go further I realized that this guy was home to me... he was the guy... and because of my fear to be near I screwed up... fibbing, telling stories and had a mess of a life... dont take me wrong I was just twenty two when it happened and he tryed to change me and he was a sweet boy, with every early twenties man kind of problems... well he is the guy... he was my man... The crazy idea is I want to find him... and get to see wats up... something silly... but deep down beyond I have never stop loving this monkey... even if he is far away... and houdle of days have passed away... I still love him.. yes I love some other men... I loved Chang, Guille and also the sorry Marcos... too a miktake.. I was neat.. I had a great guy and I screwed up... mea culpa... my foult... but I had two minutes to interact with him and in a creative way tell him how important is he to me, my life and everything I could get from them, I so thankfull they are incredible people and they are great with their neighboors and others, they are really good christians and they dont even care were you are from they just help...
See I want to see whats up with this loving family and their loving mom Barbara, mom to me, a real crusader in the battle to teach me better... 35% of the woman I am I owe to her.. and still love to see how she is doing.. See people are not eternal flowers, and they died, thats why I have the need to see them onece more so If I ever go I would go happy, Saw the Farringtons once more... maybe they are ok... and maybe they are great... but I still love the man as the day he asked me to marry him in front of Cypress Gardens, half drunk and half happy, and I keep that memory so with me those were the happiest days in Fla, for me... and will keep them here in my heart for ever... So if you know some one named Jay Farrington from Greer SC you can tell to cal me at 502 5900 2565 and tell him it would be great to hear from him...
Cheers for Jay and family
Happy Ranadahm!!!!

See him

How I will ever forguet him...
Well is hard because the fist time I ever layed
eyes on those eyes I knew he was going to be a instant
click... fall completely in love with the man of the wide smile and angel eyes...
On My account I satarted to built a kingdom for him... he was a mistery
a straight shoot of tequila to my soul..
Happinnes started to roam all over my soul...
I experimmeted love at first sight...
I was ready to give my soul to him, give the best of me...
And I was building... building a sky of butterflyes... building a nest for us so my fingers will walk over the beach of his back... I wanted to scketch with my sight his body and taste every corner of his north,
I was going to navegate through his passion and make his passion mine... and I started to sell the bear´s skin before I ever catched my prey... I was ready to hunt an angel and make it mine in the mist of the night... I was ready to grab his moon face and enjoy the sight...
But Fate is not a question of opportunnities.. This time I screwed up... I was the girl behind the man... and my prey just slipped out of my hands, casttles came crumbling off my dreams, jellousy stabbed my heart and then once again... lonely... very loney betraying me... cause could´nt have patience, I decide to rape in stead of seducting, used force in stead of pattience, and I crippled all love that he ever felt... as a rabbit he hides.. and he flyes away from my sight ... I m sad but will thrive... My love will be no loss at all because truly I did loved him and I did care and love will neve be a waste of time.... I did loved you Chang... With all my heart... beyond time...

Pragmatismo

El pragmatismo, de llegar a ser perfecto me quita la razon de ser humanamente humano, lamentablemente he llegado a decidir que la media entre uno y otro es la resultado a ser normal, y entra la normalidad viene la monotonía, cosa que vuelve al principio de esta quemada de neuronas... como pude ser que seamos simplemente jueces de todos sin aceptarnos unos a otros a ser como esas joyas unicas, a ser tan unicos que llegamos a ser preciosos, no llegamos a tener la cualidad de ser tan inigualablemente hermosos, no fisicamente, puesto al rato esto se cae y ya no es bello, pero por dentro, la belleza interior es tan intereseante, es unica... es simplemente saber descubrirla de parte de el receptor y cultivarla y darla de parte del emisor.... Este pragmatismo, es el de ser frio y calculador en cuanto a tomar desiciones, tomar caminos, amar, y sentir, mata toda necesidad de ser impulsivo... si yo matase mi impulsividad... mataria mi esencia que me distingue... mataria mi gana de vibrar con la vida... seria ponerme de chocolate la sangre y no sentir...
calcular cada movimiento seria quitarle lo humano a mi persona... seria matar la estrella que llevo dentro, mi ángel, saben y no quiero dejar de ser yo porque yo y yo estamos demasiado bien, nos comprendemos y toleramos, somos los mejores amigos y eso como si fuera anuncio de visa no tiene precio....

Es el amor...

El es el amor??? no creo se paso el tiempo y el mismo tiempo lo mato,
el verdadero amor es como el de los que te corresponden te agarran
y no te sueltan y te hacen estremecer... ese es el mejor de los amores
el que te da un beso y te eleva al quinto cielo, el que te da algo
y te quita el respiro... ese es el amor lo demas es pura babucha....
El es bello pero como la tortilla sin nada, el no sabe a nada...
Imaginarme que me penetra y hacerme la idea de que me hace temblar
me dice que seria una desgracia anunciada, voluntariarme a hacerle
el daño de amar es increible, lo que hace es la experiencia de la inexperinecia
como abrir una gaveta sin dinero...
Yo lo quiero desgarrar liberarlo de ese problema, ya es suficiente esa onda
de señorita presumida... no le va, como hombre lo agarrraria, tomaria su
hombria y la haria mia, la haria tan fuertemente mia, tan imposible que
no se arrepenteria... seria algo que en el silencio de su muerte estaria
guardando como el unico recuerdo que surgiria convitiendose en deseo de
nunca, nunca convertirse en tierra, lo mas preciado, lo mas humano, el
dia en que su liquido chocolatoso se convirtio en sangre, el dia que vibró, el
dia que lo ahogue de amor...